(This article first appeared in the March print edition of the Hendersonian.)
The modern wedding, celebrating romance and commitment, is a relatively recent development, becoming popular around the mid-19th century. Before this, weddings primarily marked an economic union, focusing on contracts and dowries. If there was a party, it was more likely to occur on the night of the contract signing than on the wedding night. Engagements typically lasted only two to three months, just long enough to finalize the necessary contractual details.
Until the late 19th century, most weddings occurred at the bride’s home and were simple family affairs involving a local priest and a home-cooked meal afterward. However, this was quite different for those who came from wealthy or royal families. The goal then was to impress one’s peers with a limitless display of wealth. As the Industrial Age transformed England and America, a new class of wealthy industrialists sought to imitate the nobility, and weddings became a splendid opportunity to show off. The emerging middle class sought to copy the upper class, their manners, and styles. A new invention, the etiquette book, helped the middle class navigate the customs that had governed upper-class society for generations. In these traditions, the family’s social standing takes precedence over the desires of the bride and groom. However, it’s worth noting that the couple’s preferences are at least recognized during the planning process. Historically, in earlier centuries, individuals had little to no say in the arrangements of their weddings, including the selection of their life partners, often leading to unions dictated solely by family alliances and society’s expectations.
As the 1960s dawned, a cultural revolution took root, significantly transforming wedding customs. Many couples began to break away from the established norm, eager to carve out their own identities and challenge the expectations imposed by their families. This movement towards nontraditional weddings manifested in various bold choices, from eclectic attire that departed dramatically from the classic white gown and tuxedo to personalized vows that reflected their unique love stories. The menus were also reinvented, featuring various imaginative dishes that highlighted the couple’s tastes rather than adhering to standard banquet fare. In this vibrant era of change, weddings became less about conforming to tradition and more about celebrating individuality and love in its many forms.
The conventional wedding format, consisting of a ceremony followed by a large reception, has persisted over the years. However, in the 1980s, couples began exploring another valid option: Elopement or destination weddings. Many couples now wait longer to get married, and those who have previously had a traditional wedding often choose to elope for their second wedding. They aren’t rejecting the conventional approach but find elopement more meaningful and enjoyable. These trendsetters have blurred the lines between traditional weddings and elopements. Is it still considered an elopement if you inform people in advance? Is it an elopement when you do a small family-only service, followed by a massive bash at your local hangout when you return from your honeymoon? And what about a surprise wedding? Is that a form of elopement? You be the judge, but the modern definition of elopement in the wedding industry is anything other than a large, traditional, structured wedding. There’s the true elopement, the in-town elopement, the getaway elopement, the hybrid elopement, the courthouse with friends or family elopement, the surprise elopement, the progressive elopement, the last-minute elopement, and the escape elopement. My husband and I had a small ceremony with immediate family in front of the fireplace. I guess we eloped and didn’t even know it!!
My love note: Call it what you will, a wedding or an elopement, modern couples have their say, for better or for worse.