If you’re from a small town and marrying your high school sweetheart, your parents likely have already met. However, for most brides and grooms, their parents will need to be formally introduced to each other. In traditional formal etiquette, it is customary for the groom’s family to take the lead in organizing the initial meeting with the bride’s parents to welcome the bride into the family and discuss wedding arrangements. Modern practices are more inclusive today, and it is common for any involved party to initiate and arrange the first meeting between the engaged couple’s parents.
Nowadays, an increasing number of couples choose to take the lead in arranging and organizing the initial meeting between their parents. This is especially common among couples in long-term relationships. Admittedly, such gatherings can be pretty stressful, especially if concerns about potential conflicts arise from differences in political beliefs, religious views and other attitudes. It’s important to remember that the goal isn’t for your parents to become best friends. Most adults can navigate social gatherings a few times a year, regardless of their differences. Staying relaxed and having a positive attitude while planning this event can make the situation much smoother, and envisioning a positive outcome can increase the likelihood of things going well.
Some creative ways exist to make this first meeting more comfortable for everyone. Schedule the meeting around a shared activity, such as a music or stage performance, tennis or golf game participation, or a get-together to watch a big sports event on TV. Meeting at a restaurant may be the best option. A restaurant can provide a neutral setting, which can be advantageous, especially if both sets of parents come from different socio-economic backgrounds. This way, there is no concern about one set of parents feeling uneasy in the other’s home.
Are your or your partner’s parents divorced? Consider arranging two separate meetings, especially if there is tension between separated parents. Regardless of which parent you might be closer to, try to give all parents, including step-parents, a chance to meet before your big day. In the case of divorced parents who don’t get along, talk with them beforehand and request that they be civil to one another for everyone’s sake. This includes giving everyone a heads-up. For example, if the bride has married parents and the groom has divorced parents, the bride should let her parents know that the groom’s parents are no longer together to avoid any awkward questions or comments. The initial meeting often sets the stage for how your families will interact as you plan the wedding. If your mother is helping you with much of the planning, she may frequently contact your future mother-in-law about guest lists, table placements and shower planning.
Parents play a significant role in your wedding planning and wedding day. Their involvement is woven into the very fabric of a traditional wedding. The groom’s parents host the rehearsal dinner. The bride’s parents host the wedding and reception. The bride’s father walks her down the aisle, and the groom’s father speaks at the rehearsal dinner. The bride’s father does the same at the reception. But like all other aspects of your wedding, these roles are subject to interpretation. If you want both parents to walk you down the aisle, go with your heart. And if your parents don’t care much about giving speeches or dancing in front of a crowd, don’t push it. Allow them to participate in your wedding and activities with which you and they will feel comfortable.
My Love Note: Strength lies in flexibility.
