(This wedding column first appeared in the September print edition of the Hendersonian.)
The best man has a colorful history. Over time, his role has changed from protecting the groom in dangerous situations to becoming his trusted confidant on his wedding day.
From Warrior to Wedding Witness
One traditional story traces the best man back to ancient Germanic and Gothic customs, when weddings were sometimes far more dangerous than they are today. According to these accounts, if a groom faced opposition from the bride’s family, or if women were scarce, a bride might be taken by force. The groom would rely on his strongest and most trusted companion for help. This companion stayed close, ready to protect the groom and prevent anyone from interfering or reclaiming the bride. In this version of the story, the best man was more than a friend. He was a protector, a backup, and an armed guard during the ceremony.
Historians debate how literally these stories should be taken, but they do illustrate how dramatically the role of the best man has changed. As marriage became more peaceful and structured, there was no longer a need for the best man to stand guard with a weapon. His role shifted toward loyalty, support and practical help.
The Victorian Era: Formalizing the Role
By the Victorian era, weddings had become formal social events, and the best man’s role evolved with them. Strength was no longer the important quality. Instead, the groom chose someone he deeply trusted to help the wedding day run smoothly. The best man became an assistant and honorary host. Instead of standing guard with a sword, he now stands before a room full of guests and talks about the groom and his new marriage—a very different kind of pressure!
The Modern Best Man: Key Responsibilities
Today, the best man supports the groom before, during, and after the wedding.
Before the wedding he may:
● Plan the bachelor party
● Coordinate groomsmen fittings
● Make sure the wedding attire arrives on time
● Attend the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner
● Keep the groomsmen informed
● Assist with group gifts
Most importantly, he is someone the groom can count on—whether that means solving a problem, calming his nerves or simply saying, “Don’t worry. We’ve got this.”
Wedding Day Duties
On the wedding day, the best man’s focus is the groom. He helps make sure the groom eats, stays hydrated, gets dressed and arrives on time.
He may also:
● Safeguard the wedding rings
● Keep the schedule on track
● Welcome and assist guests
● Help organize photographs
● Handle last-minute problems
● Sign the marriage license when required
● Give the best man’s speech or toast
● Help get the reception started
One rule always applies: Don’t get so caught up in the celebration that you forget your responsibilities. After all, the best man is there to help the groom enjoy the day—not become the reason he needs help.
After the Wedding
The best man’s job may not end when the last dance is over. Depending on the couple’s plans, he may help with:
● Handling vendor tips
● Collecting the groom’s personal belongings
● Securing gifts and cards
● Transporting wedding items
● Returning rental clothing
At its core, being the best man is not about the speech, the tuxedo, or standing beside the groom in photographs. Centuries ago, that may have meant standing guard with a sword. Today, it means solving problems, calming nerves and keeping the day moving forward. The tools have changed. The responsibilities have changed. But the purpose has not.
My Love Note: Stand beside your friend when he needs you most. That is what being the best man has always been about.
Pem Pfisterer Clark has been hosting the nationally syndicated radio show “Wedding Planning With Pem” for over 20 years. The show provides valuable advice, insider tips, etiquette and money-saving ideas to listeners across the country. Bill Stevens Stark is the executive producer of the show.
