(This article first appeared in the May print edition of the Hendersonian)
As you plan your wedding, it’s easy to get swept away by all the beautiful details—from the stunning flowers and delectable cake to the enchanting lighting and unforgettable music. However, the true essence of your big day lies in the people you share it with. Imagine being able to invite everyone you know to your big day—sounds dreamy, right? But in reality, most of us have to draw the line somewhere. That’s why it’s essential to keep track of your invite list.
Start by considering two key factors: the number of guests you can afford to host and the maximum capacity of your venue. If you and your partner are handling the expenses, you might want to take the lead with 70 percent of the invites, leaving the remaining 30 percent for your parents to share. But if Mom and Dad are chipping in, a fair practice is to split the list evenly—one-third for each party involved: you and your partner, and both sets of parents.
Considering a “plus one”? When it comes to wedding invitations, some key guests traditionally receive that coveted extra invite. Immediate family members naturally get the plus-one, as do those in the wedding party. Also, don’t forget the outlier guests—those who might not know many other attendees—who could use a familiar face by their side. And let’s not overlook couples who are engaged, living together, or in serious long-term relationships; they deserve to share in the celebration together!
When it comes to planning a special event, the decision of whether to include children can be a bit of a minefield. You may find yourself torn about inviting some kids while leaving others out, and let’s be honest—this can lead to awkward situations and hurt feelings. It’s generally considered poor etiquette to invite select children while telling other parents that their little ones aren’t welcome, as this can create unnecessary tension and seem rather unkind. However, there are ways to strike a balance!
One thoughtful approach is to invite children who are a bit older—let’s say, those who can genuinely appreciate the ceremony and handle themselves throughout the day. You might also want to make exceptions for the little ones in the wedding party, like adorable ring bearers and charming flower girls. If you choose to welcome children, include a specific RSVP section in your invitations. This should cover the number of children attending and their ages. This information will assist you greatly as you plan engaging activities for the younger guests.
If you’re leaning towards an adults-only celebration for your wedding, it’s essential to communicate this clearly to your guests right from the start. Consider including a friendly note with your invitations, letting everyone know that the event is exclusively for adults. If you’re concerned some guests might be taken aback, don’t hesitate to contact them personally. A quick chat can go a long way toward explaining your choice.
Once you’ve set your rough numbers, it’s time for the not-so-fun part: trimming that list! Crafting your guest list can often feel like solving a puzzle, and it’s one of the most challenging aspects of wedding planning. With the desire to include everyone you love, you’ll find yourself balancing family expectations, venue capacities, and budget constraints while navigating the delicate waters of avoiding any unintentional snubs to coworkers, distant relatives, or acquaintances. Completing that guest list can quickly become a monumental adventure, but it will all be worth it when you see the people who mean the most to you gathered together.
My love note: With some negotiation and patience, you’ll reach a final guest count that feels right for your celebration.
Pem Pfisterer Clark has been hosting the nationally syndicated radio show “Wedding Planning With Pem” for over 20 years. The show provides valuable advice, insider tips, etiquette and money-saving ideas to listeners across the country. Bill Stevens Stark is the executive producer of the show.
